\nAs I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder
\n\t~ John Glenn
\n\t*****
\n\tWhen the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
\n\t~ Desmond Tutu
\n\t*****
\n\tAmerica is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
\n\t~ David Letterman
\n\t*****
\n\tI’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
\n\tGod dammit, I’m a billionaire.
\n\t~ Howard Hughes
\n\t*****
\n\tAfter the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
\n\t~ Italian proverb
\n\t*****
\n\tMen are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
\n\t~ Betsy Salkind
\n\t*****
\n\tThe only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
\n\t~ Jean Kerr
\n\t*****
\n\tI’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
\n\t~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
\n\t*****
\n\tYou know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.
\n\t~ Jeff Foxworthy
\n\t*****
\n\tWhen a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
\n\t~ Prince Philip
\n\t*****
\n\tA computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
\n\t~ Emo Philips.
\n\t*****
\n\tWood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
\n\t~ Harrison Ford
\n\t*****
\n\tThe best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
\n\t~ Spike Milligan
\n\t*****
\n\tLawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
\n\t~ Robin Hall
\n\t*****
\n\tKill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
\n\t~ Jean Rostand.
\n\t*****
\n\tHaving more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I was just as happy as when I had 48 million.
\n\t~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.
\n\t*****
\n\tWe are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
\n\t~ WH Auden
\n\t*****
\n\tIn hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
\n\t~ Jonathan Katz
\n\t*****
\n\tIf life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
\n\t~ Johnny Carson
\n\t*****
\n\tI don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
\n\t~ Arthur C. Clarke
\n\t*****
\n\tHollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
\n\t~ Steve Martin
\n\t*****
\n\tHome cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
\n\t~ Jimmy Durante
\n\t*****
\n\tAmerica is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
\n\t~ Doug Hamwell
\n\t*****
\n\tThe first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
\n\t~ George Roberts
\n\t*****
\n\tIf God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
\n\t~ Jonathan Winters<\/p>\n
Posted by:<\/strong> TommyC on July 7, 2013, 3:15 pm<\/p>\n Posted by:<\/strong> Dr Crapology on July 11, 2013, 3:38 pm<\/p>\n As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder ~ John Glenn ***** When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5043","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5043"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5043\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crapsclub.goldentouchserver.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}